What I have got.

Recently I have been dwelling way too much on what I haven't got. It seems to be so easy to get sucked in to that way of thinking that judges success and worth in terms of career and $.
And thinking this way has made for a depressed me.

It reminded me of the Dr Seuss book 'Oh the Places You'll Go!"

You'll come down from the lurch
with an unpleasant bump
And the chances are, then
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

But it is time to climb out of this slump.
As the famous (well he was sort of famous around Queensland public toilets) graffiti artist Think Pos would say
     Negative thoughts entrap!

So I have been trying to focus on what I HAVE got. Trying to catch myself thinking negative thoughts and change them into positive ones.
I decided yesterday to challenge myself to do something nice for me everyday for a week. And it is a challenge to keep it up.

But I will keep trying.

As Dr Suess said

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

So today I plan to take it easy on myself, to realise that bad days are just that, bad days, they are not the end of the world.
I will stop and smell the nasturiums
I will play with my kids and find joy in their smiling faces
I will relax and have a cup of tea and read a book
And I will try to think positive thoughts.

Why do I parent the way I do?

There are people out there who may think that I practice attachment parenting and home school my children because it is a lifestyle choice or because it is the current hippy fad or because I like to be different. Well for these people I'd like to set the record straight.
I parent the way I do because I happen to believe, through years of research (which is alot more thinking time than some put into their parenting) that it is the best way to treat children. I may not be doing a perfect job but I'm trying hard, damn hard!
I have come to my beliefs through thinking about how I was raised, the effects the school system had on me, through observations of society and through reading tons of literature on the subject.
There are knockers out there who don't even try to understand my perspective, they just shake their heads as if dismissing me as a crazy hippy.
Take for example Co-sleeping ie. sleeping with your children until they want their own beds. Here are some of the stupid comments I have received over the years.
"You're just pandering to the whims of a 'baby'"
"It's all very lovey and hippy but I couldn't do it I wouldn't be comfortable enough"
"You are just spoiling them"
"Aren't you afraid you are going to squash them?"
SERIOUSLY people, wake up and smell the cheese...there is no other mammal on Earth that rejects its infants the day they are born and puts them away from the mother to sleep. There is no other mammal on Earth that does not respond to an infants distress signal (ie. crying). For that matter no other mammal feeds their infants crap instead of breast milk.
We have all the scientists in the world trying to work out why there is so much crime, so little love and compassion and so much loneliness out there and the answer is obvious to me. If you are not treating infants and children how they need to be treated then they are going to grow up into fucked-up adults.
To be totally honest I believe leaving a baby to cry itself to sleep is child abuse.
I do usually try to understand how other people raise their children but I just had enough because they don't respond in kind.
Criticism from people who don't have children, people who raise their kids the way they were raised because "it didn't do me no harm" just doesn't cut it.
If you want to criticise me at least come up with an intelligent, logical argument, AND listen to my side as well.
And I home school because I want my children to love life and learning. The school system as it currently operates is a place to learn conformity, bullying, competition, low self-esteem, humiliation.
I don't believe that everyone should home school. I believe that the education system can't be fixed by a few tweeks here and a few tweeks there. It needs to be re-built from the ground up by some real education and child experts. People who understand that it is about individuals not systems, results, outcomes and school performance.
Just imagine if you dare, a world full of compassionate, kind, caring adults. People who feel free enough to do what they want to do. People who are happy because they are doing what they love. Individuals who feel good about themselves because they had their real fill of love as infants and children and they weren't forced prematurely into institutions that killed off their innate joy.
Imagine that and then tell me that the way I choose to raise my kids is just a choice like what to wear or which movie shall I go see?

BigCity Life

Wow! Our weekend in the city was so busy and soooo much fun.

We started off on Friday at White water world on the Gold Coast...

It's just so big and bright...

Zan got wet...

...in fact we all got wet!

Mr T was very excited to see Sponge Bob...

I got scared on this water-slide. It felt like I was being flushed down a giant toilet!!!

There were water slides everywhere.

Then off to my brother's place to bond with the family.

Sweet cousins...

Saturday we took my nephew rock climbing at the Kangaroo Point cliffs.

They are right in the center of the city but you wouldn't know from this photo

First the kids all climbed the art work...I guess it was a warm up for the cliff.

My beautiful girls

Happy 13Th Birthday number 1 nephew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zan relaxing under a tree

And Sunday we caught a train into the Valley (Rain and Mr T have never been on a train before so were impressed) We went to the markets and to China town where I finally found a place that sells Po Sum On...an awesome chinese herbal tincture that you can use for just about anything.
Then all tired and worn out we headed for home...
ahhh...it's quiet here.

Grrr...attitude

Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit grrr...When I want to complain and grump and am thinking about what I don't have then I need to consciously re-adjust my attitude and think of things to be grateful for. There are so many people out there with so much less. There are children who will not eat today so I'm thankful for...

my yummy museli, mango and banana for breakfast...

in fact all the yummy fruit at this time of year...

The flowers Peace picked me and put in my Nanna's old milk jug (white roses, elder, yarrow, wattle and purple fountain grass)...

and the hundreds of smiles I will get today...

I'd like to thank...

I'd like to thank Zan, Rain, Mr T and Tui for everything I know about parenting.

Geewhizz, it's been the journey of my life! And I'm not there yet...

I started off just wanting to do my best for my children.

My evolution as a parent has been challenging, happy, sad, maddening, enlightening (every emotion you can posibly think of).

I think the biggest lesson of all has been to let go- of any expectations I have at all, of any parenting notions I still have.

I am still so far from perfect. But I'm still capable of learning.

Engineering and design

The children have been learning engineering and design. They have been finding out about work place safety. Developing skills in construction and innovation and most of all having fun.

The trampoline has undergone some serious transformations in the last couple of days.

Original Design

Sloped straw bale design

(deemed unsafe by the children)

Super Tramp

Flood proof Trampoline Tent

(or bouncey tree house)

I love watching how innovative and creative they can be and where a game will lead them. Even with all the lesson planning in the world I would not have come up with this!

Little Tui's Free Birth

When I became pregnant with Tui I decided I wanted to follow my intuition with this pregnancy not doctors orders. I believe that our bodies usually tell us what we need, whether it's rest or food or craving for specific nutrients. And it goes on doing his even when we are pregnant. I've been on a journey of learning to trust that I know what is good for me so I just wanted to 'be' pregnant and let it happen without the usual checkups and ultrasounds etc. I felt that I would know if I was ok.

I also have a big issue with the medicalisation of pregnancy and childbirth. Humans would not have survived for so long if women's bodies had not been specifically design to bare children. I use the term 'birth' the baby because the generally used term delivery implies that you are delivered of your baby with the help of a third party.

Early in the pregnancy I thought about free birth, or unassisted child birth as it is some times called. I had considered it with my last baby but Peace did not feel confident at the time. Looking back during this pregnancy we discussed his reaction and he apologized for not having confidence in me or really in my body to do what it was designed to do.

I did visit a doctor early on to confirm the pregnancy and organise an anti body blood test. This was such a confronting experience. Firstly, the doctor implied that we would only know for sure I was pregnant when her results came back. She did not trust me to know that I was pregnant. When she tried to set me up for hospital appointments I calmly told her that I would be having the baby a home. She then launched into a tirade about how unsafe it was and she "hoped" I had a qualified mid-wife. Well at that stage I was still undecided if I would free-birth or have a mid wife and I didn't want her to have a seizure so I assured her I had a mid-wife in mind and left the surgery.

I did also have an ultra sound at about twenty two weeks as I convinced myself I needed to know if everything was all right. (what a vague phrase that is!)

It was quiet hard to stay positive and true with what I wanted because there is such a culture of fear surrounding birth. In the end I only told a few people that I wasn't seeing doctors or that I was planning on free birthing. I got sick of defending myself and listening to all their negativity. Most people asked the same question...what if something happens...Well when you have a homebirth there is always time to transfer to a hospital. And I educated myself on what to do in all sorts of senerios. Although I also tried not to focus on anything bd happening. Attitude has so much to do with chid birth.

forty weeks-with Rain,photography by Mr T

My labor came on very gradually. All morning I had a feeling that I was going to see my baby today. I sat in the winter sun and relaxed, did a load of washing and hung out with the kids. At about quater past eleven I got a painful contraction and asked Zan what the time was. I don't really know why keeping track of the time was important to me. I told Peace and the kids that this was it and soon we'd have another baby. The kids went off and started to play cricket out in the yard. Peace asked if I wanted him to make me a bath. (which is a long process here because it's an outside bath and you have to fill it up with the garden hose and light a fire under the tub to heat the water.) I said no not yet. I shouldn't have waited!Lol.
I walked around and swayed heaps. I tried chanting which felt good when I had Mr T but wasn't into it. At twelve I started to get some really full on contractions. So I asked Peace to run me a bath. He got the kids to go and clean the tub out and set a fire but then I called out that I needed him. I wanted a matress out on the door step to lie on between contractions. After about fifteen minutes I wanted to drag the matress inside. Even though it's totally private here I just wanted to be inside. We only got as far as the lounge room floor before I started having contractions so close I didn't feel I could move any further!
This was the only time I doubted my desicion. I asked Peace if he thought I had done the right thing in choosing not to have a mid-wife and he just really calmly said that I was wonderful and could do anything. Awww, shucks!
Then I just started feeling really good with it all and although it was still painful I was getting into the whole thing. I mean it's not everyday that you get to do this. I just started saying I love you over and over again. The urge to push came on really strong but I was trying not to push too hard. I wanted her to come out slowly. And then I felt her head. The most wonderful feeling in the world. I reached down and held her as she came out. I had talked about this beforehand. A doctor had caught Zan, the homebirth mid-wife had caught Rain, Peace had caught Mr T and now I was going to catch my own baby! It was such an empowering moment.

My beautiful Tui- about two minutes after she was born

The whole thing had taken less than an hour and a half. We were kind of speachless that it was all over so quickly with such little fuss.

It was so lovely having noone around after she was born. NO weighin or measureing or checking or cutting or injections. Just me and the family.

Mr T was the only child present when she was born. We'd talked about it previously andZan said he'd already seen two births and didn't feel like he needed to see another.Lol. Rain said she'd make her mind up on the day. But Mr T was pretty keen. We forgot to call him but he happened to walk into the room about two minutes before she was born. All he said was 'You did a good job mummy.'

Love, love,love, love

When I look at it, the most important thing is love. It doesn't matter how one behaves or what one thinks. It doesn't matter what one has done. What matters is beingness, aliveness. We're here to experience the good and the 'bad'. We're here not to judge but just to experience. I will love .... for ever ...everyone. Thankyou for being.

The good, the bad and the beautiful.

It was a funny day today. Funny/wierd not funny/ha ha. We had so many jobs that we wanted to get done ( the usual Sunday thing) but so many other things happened to happen that the day turned out totally differently.
When I got up this morning I checked on the cat first thing because he's been a quiet sick for a couple of months and yesterday I got a big paralysis tick off him. He seemed a bit more lively than he did yesterday afternoon so I was feeling all good and positive about that. Mid morning Peace came in to tell me that the cat had died. It was very sad and the kids were all upset but I was impressed with how easily they can express their grief. Since we've moved to Rainbow Love Farm we've all experiensed a bit of a confrontation with the cycle of life and death. Our first year here a couple of chickens were sick and died and then a couple were swallowed by a massive carpet python. Two litters of Guinea pigs have died before we had the last four babies and now the cat. I feel grateful that the children can experience this, though, as sad as it is for me to watch them with tears falling. For so many people death isn't discussed and it is hugely confrontational when it happens and very hard to deal with. I suppose the death of pets gives me a chance to discuss spiritual ideas with the children.
Mid morning I had to go and pick up my niece who is staying the night. Because it is a long way I was meeting my SIL Miss Demeanor half way. When I got to the park I realized I had a flat tire. Well, the car is just new (second hand-new) and I couldn't find the jack but I wasn't even stressing. I have been known to stress out occasionally! I just thought that I would do what needed to be done and I wasn't in a hurry to get anywhere so it didn't really matter. SIL had a jack and we changed the tyre in lightening time. Funny thing was when I first pulled into the park this young guy got out of his car and said 'do you know you've got a flat tyre.' I said yes and he just walked off. You'd think he'd offer to help! (Maybe I was feeling a bit maiden-in-distressish.) But after we'd changed it this old guy who'd been fishing down at the river walks up and offers to help. When I said I'd finished he told me it was the first time he'd ever heard of a woman changing a tyre by herself and gave me a pat on the back. It was just wierd!
The afternoon was a bit mellower. I picked the first zuchini from the garden.

Then was entertained by the kids doing a play over at the cubby house. It was called 'Two bad pirates and the nice girl.'- very post modern. Peace tried to get some building done but kept getting attacked by a band of marauding pirates.

This afternoon I sat on the back veranda and enjoyed the view as the sun went down. It's nice to be able to walk out the door and look at the mountains. I really love the view from this side of the house. When we first moved in there was a veranda out there but we walled it in to make a bedroom for the two oldest children. Now we've got the new deck and doors leading out there it's become my favourite spot to sit.
I was contemplating something I read the other day. If you could do anything, without any retrictions what would you be doing now? Well, I decided that I would probably be doing this. Sitting enjoying the view, living in the country side, loving my four angels. There are many dreams to come true yet but lots of them are already true.

Looking on the bright side...

I Love it when...*Tui smiles at me and her big blue eyes say more than words could ever say and her beautiful soft baby hands reach out and grab me and she loves me no matter what mistakes I have made, she loves me because I am her mother.

*Peace picks flowers for me that we have grown and how he pretends with the kids. Like when they try to trick him and he can fall for it ten times and each time is funnier than the last... it really makes me laugh..

* When Zan wants to discuss something and he's so earnest and teenage like. And he is so sweet and loving at the same time.

*Rain is being so helpful and motherly to the little kids and she is so sensitive that it makes me want to cry, cause she so knows what's goin' on.

*When Mr T says things like ' I just broke this candle Mum but I know it doesn't matter because I know you love me heaps more than you love the candle.'