Thursday, July 4

Taking it personally

Over the years of writing this blog I have received a lot of feed back.
Most of it is very kind and heartfelt; some of it not so kind.

It seems that some readers take things personally. It’s as if they think a post is directly related to them and once they start feeling insulted by my writing they use the impersonal forum of the internet to send me messages telling me just what they think of me and how everything I believe and everything about me is just wrong!

For Clarity

After I posted the other day about sharing I received an abusive message from someone who had taken my post personally. This person actually wasn’t a stranger but someone I know well who decided that what I had written was all about them.

Well, I’d like to clarify that it wasn’t.
After the torrent of insults I received I don’t feel like I need to justify myself to this person. In fact I don’t think I will even be speaking to this person again.

Apparently they had been thinking for years, that I am a crap parent and a bad person but this post was the trigger that obviously allowed them to spew forth all that saved up venom.

I would like to clarify that most of this post “Sharing is not Caring” was written about six months ago.
I have a huge backlog of writing and articles that I am constantly adding to and publish them when I get the time to edit them.

As I don’t wish to insult people I do not write about incidents directly when they happen. I do not mention names because of course I do not want to hurt people’s feelings. Sometimes I even change events a bit or change which child of mine was involved because I do not wish to slander anyone.

I do use examples of things that happen in my life though when I am trying to explain my opinion/ beliefs about parenting…because these incidents help illustrate my point.

My Opinion

My opinion is just that.
It is mine.
It is how I view the world at this current time and of course it is open to change.

But as I said it is MY opinion and I never expect others to agree.
And as I respect others opinions I expect mine to be respected.

I am actually a very open minded person and although I often write about Homeschooling, Unschooling, Co-sleeping, Breastfeeding I have many friends who parent very differently to me. Their kids might be in school, they have careers and enjoy them; they don’t breastfeed or co-sleep or home school. AND I love and totally respect them.

I am totally open to discussion and debate. And often I participate in engaging discussions.

You may disagree with my opinion so much that you no longer read what I write.
That is totally cool with me.

BUT if my opinion offends you to the point that you need to tell me how much you hate me then really it’s not a matter of conflicting opinions…it is a sign that you may need to have a look at yourself and workout why you feel so triggered.

How I process feedback

When I receive positive feedback I don’t immediately think…
 “Oh I am so awesome!”
“Someone agrees with me so that makes me right!”

I actually feel very humble.
I feel very blessed and a bit awed that my words may have helped someone; shown someone a perspective they had previously not seen; helped someone relate to their child with more love and respect.

I even often have negative thoughts about myself thinking
“Well that person doesn’t really know me and I am not really perfect.”

When I receive negative feedback I try to approach it objectively also.

I realise that that person is projecting negativity and anger from their own experience towards me.

That they are refusing to identify the trigger in what I said that made them feel so bad, and instead can only think of making a personal attack on me to justify their own position. Instead of identifying and engaging in a useful debate they can only get so far as anger and abuse.

And negative feedback does hurt.

As much as I try to let it wash over me; realise it’s the others expression of their shadow; it does hurt.

Disclaimer of Perfection

Most who read my blog know I am not perfect. I have never declared, or tried to come across as if I am.

Rarely do I write about the days when I feel like shit and am cranky with the kids, or the days when I question Unschooling, or the days I have an argument with my partner.

I certainly have principals and beliefs that I try to adhere to but I give myself the love and acceptance that I give everyone else, to be real.

This is where I am and what I am doing right now.
Sometimes I fuck up and say the wrong thing to my kids, sometimes I’m a shit partner to my love.

I drink and I smoke and burp and fart and swear like a sailor.

BUT I am balanced with how I treat myself.

I forgive my own mistakes because I know I have many, many good qualities too.
I know I am always trying harder to be a great person.
I am always learning and am always open to others opinions and beliefs.

I actually think one of my best qualities is not judging others; the fact that I CAN totally accept others where they are.

I have friends from such a diverse group of people. Successful professionals, ex-cons, pot smokers and organic freaks, environmentalists and miners, police people and dole-bludgers, gardeners and mothers, mainstreamers and boundary pushers, punks and pastors.

AND I do accept that some people can not accept me.

To you I say please go your merry way and live a happy life but if it’s at all possible, please do not send me messages insulting me or my children or my lifestyle.



jaime.o. said...

I have been reading and enjoying your blog for a few years now, I don't think I've ever commented. I just wanted to say Thank You. Your writing is thought provoking and inspiring, and I love seeing the world through your eyes every now and then.

Ariad said...

Hi Jamie and Thank you :)

karisma said...

I for one cannot wait to meet you in person and give you a big squishy hug. Your words are beautiful. It never ceases to amaze me how people can read a blog and make judgements on a persons whole life. It actually put me off blogging. While nasty feedback is never nice at least this time it has provoked a very inspiring blog post that will more than likely benefit many if they care to take notice. Thank you. Hopefully you can find forgiveness in your heart for those who do not yet understand how to do the same.

Namaste lovely, Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

dawn rose said...

I cannot see why people would take offence to your posts, I enjoy reading different views on life it facinates me, I blog my life which is probably not to others tastes and thats fine but I don't see why people need to take things so personally especially when it isn't meant to be like that. Ignore em or as we'd say over here keep your chin up chuck x

Monique said...

I enjoy your blog and even when I do not agree with some of the ways you do things, I think like you said. It is a chance to look at something differently and who am I to judge what you do as right or wrong. Keep on keeping on in my opinion.

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