Sunday, August 14

Self help

I am trying to help myself. Trying all the usual advice to help with depression. I am trying to eat well and exercise.
Exercise is hard for me. Being single with three kids means I rarely get time to myself and when I do I am often so exhausted that I just want to lie down and read a book or nap. I have been advised by lots of people to go for a brisk walk everyday. Because Tui is only three it is hard to go out for a walk by myself. I can't leave her in the care of her older sister and brother. It is not because they are not capable of looking after her for half an hour but that she is an attached child (and I love that) but it means she wants to be with me most of the time.

I can take the kids for a walk with me but often this defeats the purpose of the exercise I am trying to do. Anyone that has walked with small children will know that the pace of the walk is hardly brisk. We stop at every tree or interesting stone, or to back track and look at a flower.
Sometimes the kids decide to argue while we walk, or whinge that they have had enough and want to go home. It kind of defeats the purpose of it being relaxing and stress-relieving!
Tui is only little and often wants to be carried, which is just not good for my back, carrying her now she is bigger. If I carry her for more than ten minutes I end up with a sore back later in the day.

Now I am not whinging. I am just being realistic here. It is easy to say "Go for a walk for half an hour everyday." but in reality for some mothers it is almost impossible to do this.

I have been managing to do a bit of stretching at home with the kids. OK until one of them decides that the yoga position you are trying to do would make a great horsey ride and they jump on you with no warning!!!

Another big thing on my list of to do's, to make me feel better is study.
I love using my brain! I enrolled this week in a Postnatal Doula course. It is an online course and so far I am loving it.
Being a Postnatal Doula is so close to my heart. I think I have been suffering PND since the birth of Tui. And alot of my feelings of inadequacy, not coping, depression could have been alleviated or even avoided altogether with adequate postnatal support.
I am so excited by the prospect of providing this support for other mothers and families.
I love being able to study online. It's easy to fit in around the kids, I can do it when I can find the time. Great way to pass time when I have insomnia.
I have had a technical glitch, my course disappeared off my computer a couple of days ago! I had downloaded it, started the first module and then it vanished into some cyber worm-hole. Hopefully the course technical staff will get back to me soon and I can re-download the course.

Talking about glitches, I've been having so many glitches with my new house. It seems like nothing wants to work. I moved in here exactly one month ago. In the first week I had no electricity for two electricity means no water because of the electric pump. The second week I ran out of gas. The gas is used to heat water and for cooking. Even though I had payed for two full gas cylinders when I moved in! The landlord refused to pay for the gas. Saying I must have used it all. Everyone else I have talked to said there equivalent size gas bottles last at least two months!

Third week here the water tank runs out of water! It takes me three days to find a water cartage company who will deliver water up the hill where I live. When he finally gets here, he realises his hose has broken on the way. Some of the water has leaked out. More leaks out as he is fixing it. He still charges me the full price. Landlord will not contribute to the cost of water. even though there is meant to be enough water when you move into a rental premise. And every single tap in the house leaks!

I get water but the hot water cylinder is not heating, it takes me all day to work out how to fix it and then have a long awaited shower! Also this week two days without power due to scheduled line maintenance!

So yesterday I ran out of water again!!! The tank must obviously have a leak in it. I doubt the landlord will do anything about it. He doesn't seem the type.
I wouldn't mind all this so much if this place was cheap. But I decided to move into a house at the very top end of my budget hoping for a little bit of luxury for awhile, so that I could take it easy and try to deal with everything that has happened over the last year. But instead, I am paying more than I can really afford to live in very hard circumstances.
I can't afford to buy water again. So I'm going to town everyday to fill up my two 20litre water drums. Just enough water to drink and wash the dishes and flush the toilet. And now I'm praying for rain.

I just wish things could be easy for awhile.
I'm trying to cope here. Trying to actively do things to make myself feel better but sometimes it feels like the universe is laughing at me. Making fun of my efforts.


A Blessed Life said...

Hi there, I know I am supposed to start this off with "never mind" and all that but Holy C--P Batman! this would all test me out without having little ones!
I really think there are people in this world that take advantage of others,and your landlord probably thinks you are alone and so therefore abuses that fact.I am sure that there is a tribunal you can get in touch with or an ombusdsman to complain, this fellow is making a hard life harder,don't let him get away with it,it is just not fair.
Now I am going to say the other will be ok are doing so well to cope with this and the fact that you are trying so hard is great,I have read about young Mums walking round and round the clothesline for excercise as they could not get away from the there is something t send you really mad!
You have been in my thoughts since I started to follow your blog, can you just know you are not alone sweetie and that you are a Princess in Gods eyes so he will take care of you.Blessings Carole.

Ariad said...

Thanks Carole.

Luscious Lea said...

Wow all those house trouble sound like a right pain in the arse!! Hope you can get something sorted there, you waited so long for a house seems unfair that your house isn't a fully functioning one.

Louise said...

I agree lovely, you need a decent house, the landlord should be onto these problems. Are you going through a real estate agent? I really hope you do get your rain to tide you over until this is sorted.
Exercise- I hear you loud and clear on that one, its not so bad now my lids are older but having a small attached child simply eliminates walking, one thing that did work for us was a park, the little one playing fairly happily whilst I did laps of the park, and the older child there to sort out any little problems/ push the swing etc.
You are in my thoughts as well lovely, and I am sending you strength and love healing.

Earthdrummer said...

Talk about being tested dear one!! My goodness!! Hoping that the Universe just opens up to you and you are able to relax and enjoy the "lesson" (easier said than done, yes?)

So glad that you put a DONATE button on top of your blog!! Will be pushing that later this week!! Dear SiSTars, it's time to give!! I love giving, it's only through giving that we can receive!!

Blessings to you and your little tribe!!

Melissa said...

Damn! You ARE having a bad run with this house. Is there a tenancy board that can intervene? (Sorry, don't know if you've rented privately or through an agent).

As for the exercise thing, I hear you. I hear often (not just for my depression, but for my arthritis/fibromyaglia etc) to walk every day, get some exercise.

Except a)I have a 3 year old, so it's not that simple and b)I'm in too much pain to walk every day.

So while in theory, it IS wonderful advice, and I know people for whom it has been a lifeline. For others, it is just not practical at this stage.

I think of you a lot. I'm wishing you well.

Carmella said...

Whoa!! It sounds like you have heaps going on. Can you put Tui in a pram?? I know it's not ideal, I was desperate to go on walks and had no one to mind my son, the older kids were alright to mind themselves for half an hour but I needed to take Ru so we borrowed a friends pram. It was so novel for him, I packed some fruit and a telescope (pretend one) and off we went. If he started getting grizzly I would start running and he would start laughing. I will never forget how good it felt to move my body after years of feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed by my life, and therefore never getting time to set aside for walking. I'm still sending you so much love, and healing energy your way. I hope things get better for you soon xx

Ariad said...

Thanks all. Carmella, that is a great idea. Tui went in a pram once and the novelty certainly was exciting. I might try to find one :)

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