One of the hardest things about separating from Peace has been feeling that so many of my dreams have died along with the relationship.That they are no longer possible. We had so many shared dreams,so many plans for the future. So much we wanted to do together and with our children.
I have felt so empty and lost. These dreams were my direction in life, things I'd been planning for years, goals I had partly achieved. And now I feel that it is not possible to achieve them on my own.
There was the plan we'd been talking about for ages to take the kids on an adventure. We wanted to canoe up the North Coast of Queensland, near the Daintree Rain forest, camping in the wilderness.
Yes, technically,I probably could do this on my own with the kids,but it would not be the same. It would require a lot more work on my part, it wouldn't be as enjoyable or safe as doing it with another person; someone you trust, someone you know has the skills and knowledge to make it work.
It is like my dream of buying land and building a solar-passive, Eco, straw-bale house. Peace and I have been planning this for 13 years. We dreamed of buying land in Northern New South Wales, building our house, growing food, making amazing gardens, creating an adventure playground for grown-ups.
We wanted to make a place where people could come to learn and rejuvenate. Where we could share our skills in abseiling, rock climbing, massage, healing, permaculture, edible weeds and bush tucker.In bush craft and building and gardening.
A place where families could come to re-connect with each other.
A place where people could visit our home and see that living in an Eco-friendly house does not mean living in a mud covered hippy shack but in a beautiful home with all the modern comforts. And that it can all be created on a budget and by yourself if you choose.
And yes, it is probably technically possible for me to learn the skills I need and do all this on my own it would feel like something is missing without Peace.
The most enjoyable times I have spent with Peace are when we were building or in the gardens. When we are talking about plants, how much a tree has grown, looking at a spider web with the morning dew sparkling on it, when we garden together without even needing to speak but both knowing what we need to do. I find it hard to imagine myself building without being able to discus the construction of the window frames or the recipe for the render with Peace. Or the laughter and companionship.
Lately we have been talking and have come to the conclusion that maybe we can still do these things together. We can buy land and create all this and co-habit on the land in separate dwellings. We can both be accessible to the kids all the time. We can still share the dreams.
And now I am sharing the dream with all of you. I'm putting it out to the Universe and hoping it will happen.
We would love another family or two to share our land; people with similar ideas and dreams, to create a community. Maybe this will all happen one day.