Elimination Communication

Elimination Communication or EC is also known as Nappy Free, Diaper Free and Infant Potty Training.

I first found out about Elimination Communication almost ten years ago when I was pregnant with Tama. At the time I was living in the small village of Nymboida in NSW and at the local playgroup I was privileged to meet a lovely Mum who was practicing EC with her newborn babe. When I saw her take her month old baby to do a wee I was fascinated. And set about asking her 100 questions about the practice.

Like many of the other parenting practices I have adopted; co-sleeping, baby-wearing, extended breast feeding, as soon as I heard about EC it just seemed so right and natural.

My two EC babes

The more I thought about it I realized that nappies(Diapers) have not have been around for ever and there must have been some way of dealing with Babies Elimination needs before their invention.

I moved interstate not long after meeting this Mum and during the last months of my pregnancy learned as much about EC as I could.

There wasn't a lot of info available at the time but I re-read the Continuum Concept by Jean Liedloff (my go to book about Natural Parenting) and I found a couple of on-line sites dedicated to EC.


EC is not Potty Training

Even though it is known by other names I really prefer the name Elimination Communication. Because it is all about communication.

The terms Nappy(Diaper) Free just seem to scare people..."What! You just don't put a nappy on your baby!"
Infant Potty Training implies that the baby is trained. Just as people "train" their older children to use the toilet after years in nappies.
But this is not the case at all.

I have read so often that the general scientific/parenting consensus is that babies DO NOT have control of their Elimination until they are 2-4 yrs old. This is the reason/excuse that people put their babies in Diapers. One mainstream parenting website says that before this age Babies bladders "automatically empty".

Well, this is simply not true.
My EC babies have had bladder and bowel awareness and control by six months old.

Statistics show that half the babies in the world are toilet/potty trained at 12 months. It is only in Western countries that some children wear nappies until they are four yrs or older, the average age is 3 years.

Many cultures today still traditionally use Elimination Communication today but they do not call it this...to them it is just a natural practice.

Why then is it a big deal for some parents to get their older kids to use the Potty?
Because they have been "trained" to eliminate in a nappy. The nappy has come to feel normal and comfortable. For the child's whole life so far they have been taught to we and poo in one place and now the parent is wanting them to do it elsewhere. Of course many children will be resistant.


How does it work

EC uses signals, cues, timing and intuition to deal with Elimination needs.
It really is about communicating with your Infant. As we all know communication is a two way street, talking and listening.

Cueing is when you get to do the talking.

The most common cue is to hold the baby over an appropriate place to urinate (some people use the laundry sink or a potty or a toilet) and to make a "psss" sound.
This sound innately makes one want to wee. After I had my first baby in hospital, and it was painful to pee, a nurse suggested turning on a tap in the bathroom because the "shh" noise of water makes us want to pee. Horse trainers use this exact same technique to get race horses to pee before a race.

Before Tama was born I was a bit skeptical of my own ability to practice EC. I was worried that maybe I wasn't "in tune" enough, or "aware" enough to make EC work. Well, the day he was born I was all snuggled up with my new baby before the fire in the lounge room. A couple of hours had passed since his birth and I realized that he hadn't yet peed. So I took him into the bathroom, held him out over the sink and said "psss".
When he immediately started pee'ing I shouted out in surprise and had to call the whole family to come and see the miracle!

Signals
This is the listening part of the communication.

 All babies give signals before they eliminate. After EC'ing Tama for awhile I realized that my two older children had signaled but I had just been unaware what to look for back then.

Before T would wee he'd start wriggling around a bit in my arms. Before he'd poo he sometimes do a couple of farts(this is a really obvious signal) or he'd grunt and/or start clenching his belly muscles.

Once I had recognized these signals in my own baby I began to recognize them in others babies. AND I realized that many parents already recognize them. I have often heard a mother comment (after hearing her baby fart or make grunting noises) "I'll have a nappy to change in a minute!"

Timing
This is about learning your babies routine. Both my babies I have EC'ed have had fairly predictable Elimination patterns.
Just like most of us, they need to pee when they wake in the morning. In fact they need to pee when they wake all day long.
They often need to pee or poo after a big feed.
They may need to pee or poo before bed.

Intuition
Sometimes you just get the feeling that the baby needs to go.
When this happened to me I got a feeling of warmth spreading (almost as if the baby had already pee'd on me) and often looked to check there had not been an accident! I soon learned to trust my intuition even if the baby had eliminated not long before.



I practiced EC from birth with my two youngest children. Many people do not start until the baby is a couple of months old. Many practice part-time and use Nappies when it suits.

I know that personally after practicing EC I could not go back to using nappies. Not only does it seem easier now...yes, there is a time investment in being with and listening to your child but it saves a lot of time in washing nappies(I always used cloth nappies before, but if you buy disposables the $ savings would be great), but it also feels more hygienic. There is no nappy rash, no toilet training to be tackled later.

So with another baby on the way I have been making some EC supplies. It is very hard to find commercial underwear for a newborn babe!

EC Undies

 And all baby clothes are designed to fit over the top of nappies and so are too big for my little nappy-free bums.

EC sized pants

And a couple of double lined EC mats to use in the bed at night or on the floor.

For more info on EC checkout these sites...

http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/
http://www.sarahbuckley.com/mothering-mindfulness-and-a-babys-bottom-an-introduction-to-elimination-communication/
http://www.nappyfreebaby.co.uk/Home

Little Buddhas

“If you must find a teacher,

  Find one under one year of age.”

                                     -Confucius

I believe that every child is born full of love. Not just full but brimming over. The love fills their entire bodies and radiates out to anyone around them. We are drawn to babies to see their smiles, to bask in their wonderment at the world around them. Children can teach us so much.

Society’s belief that we must teach, instruct and make our children "better" ensures that by the time they have grown into adults much of their innate joy and love has left their cuddly, soft limbs (which are now stiff and inflexible) and no longer shines from their eyes.

Instead we should look to the children to teach us!

I thank my four children, Alex, Ishy, Tama and Amaya for everything I know about parenting and for helping me understand the Buddhist Principals of Non-Attachment, Being in the Present Moment and Impermanence.

Children let go of emotional and physical hurts easily, they have a good cry and five minutes later are happily playing again.

They have taught me to get lost in the joy of the moment instead of thinking of the future or the past.

I love that they find the fun in the act of creating not in the end product.

Just as Buddhist monks make a sand mandala that takes many, many hours that is then blown away.

Often after doing art with the kids we have nothing to show for it. The point of the exercise is to have fun, not to necessarily create an end product. The experience is in the mixing of the paints, the textures of how they feel when you squish them, the colour mixing and the spreading.

The lesson is the learning not the results. It is not the piece of paper you save that shows what they have learnt; it is their experience of the world around them that is important. And that kind of knowledge can not be saved on paper.

Non-Attachment Parenting

My goal with parenting has been to preserve the love my children were born with.

I started off just wanting to do my best for my children and soon came to the realization that doing my best for them meant not destroying the innate love and joy that was their birth right. I do this by following their lead, trusting that they know their needs and will let me know.

They let me know as infants when they wanted to feed, when they wanted to wee. They let me know when they were hungry and when they were tired.

A big lesson for me has been to let go of my expectations. Not being attached to any preconceived notions of what raising children should be like.

Not being attached to an age when they “should” stop breast feeding; an age they “should” be reading; a certain way they “should” behave.

Practicing non attachment to their behavior means not punishing because of a certain ‘bad’ behavior but finding the reason behind that behavior and helping the child solve the problem.

To me Unschooling is an extension of the principal of Attachment Parenting and also an extension of my practice of NON-attachment.

Not being attached to what people think children should learn, letting go of punitive punishments in favor of working with my kids, treating all human beings with respect no matter what their age.

The Way of the Peaceful Shopper

Most people have witnessed children having tantrums in a shopping centre. You may even have been related to the child having the tantrum, yes; I’ll admit that I’ve been there.


Its one thing that a lot of parents dread, I know mothers who will only shop when their children are at school or when their partner is looking after the children. And it’s one question that I’m asked with awe “How do you take your four kids shopping every week?”
So why is the Supermarket tantrum such a common behaviour and a thing so feared by parents?

When my oldest son was little he had a few tantrums before I worked out how to change my behaviour. Now, it’ a very occasional occurrence that one of the kids has a melt down, and it usually happens if I’m stressed or tired.
My first insight was probably the easier one to change. Don’t shop when you or your child/ren are tired or hungry or rushed. Being in the right frame of mind makes such a difference to the outcome of the shopping trip. As an unschooling parent I look at shopping (like everything) as a learning opportunity for my kids.

They can learn so much about food; the different food groups, quality of food, additives, where the foods come from etc. They learn about budgeting, both their own pocket money and the family budget, meal planning and using mathematics with money.
Little ones can learn to read in the supermarket. My six year old pre-reading son loves to play the alphabet game. Where you have to find an A on the signs or packaging, and then a B, and so on. My two year old loves spotting things. Can you see a picture of a dog? Can you see the toilet paper?

With the effort and a bit of imagination you can keep kids engaged with the process and prevent them becoming bored and irritable.

Another thing I recognised in my own behaviour was my misperception that everything my son pointed to he wanted to buy immediately. So often I see Mums smacking their kids hands for taking something off a shelf or berating them, “No! You can’t have that!”
Let me put it this way, imagine if you were shopping with your partner or a friend and every time you pointed to something pretty or interesting your partner/friend yelled at you, “No! You can’t have that! Don’t even look at it!”

As adults we call it window shopping and its ok for us to look at things, to browse, even if you can’t afford to buy something or probably won’t ever buy the object.
Encourage your kids to window shop. If my child picks up a Teddy bear and says “Look at this Mum!” I stop and look. I get down at their level and say how soft the teddy is, how cute it is and maybe even have a cuddle with it myself. Then we put it back and continue shopping. Sometimes I point out interesting things for my children to look at.

When a child is older and directly asks to buy something I think it’s important not to automatically say NO. This sets up a negative vibe. If I really can’t or don’t want to buy something I find that my kids understand logic, so I explain to them why I won’t buy it.
There are certain diffusion responses I use too. Especially if I can see that asking for the product is just a whim brought about by bright packaging or advertising.
Yes, we can save up to buy that.
Yes, that’s expensive though, I could buy that for your birthday or for Christmas.
Yes you can get that next time you have spare pocket money.
Sometimes they save up to buy something they have seen and other times they forget about it or decide that they don’t really want it.

My last observation about children having tantrums in shopping malls is that parents really seem to fear the judgement of others. And it is true that judgement is alive and well! Feelings like, Oh my god, everyone is looking at me, they all think I am a bad mother, Everyone’s thinks I should smack my child and make her stop, are some of the thoughts I’ve had.
But remember that these thoughts are about how you the parents feel; they may not even be true. Often people are sympathetic, most of them have been there themselves. And it’s really not about you. It’s the child that is distressed.
My best advice would be to take a deep breath and forget what others may be thinking and focus on your child. If you need to wait and sit it out so be it!

So if you happen to be shopping and you come across a child screaming on the floor and a mother sitting cross-legged in the aisle, hand lightly resting on the child’s leg, serenely smiling at passersby, don’t judge. Smile back and say “This too will pass.”, because it could be me.

The next generation

I love that my kids have really assimilated attachment parenting into their play. They have never used dolls prams but always wanted me to make slings to carry their babies.

And little Tui even EC's her dolls, taking them to the toilet to do wee!

Lately I've been breastfeeding the doll a lot too! She will come up and ask me to give the baby boobie, and I'm not allowed to pretend, I have to actually get my boob out.lol Then invaribly Tui also has a little tipple ;)

Great Big Birthing Mother Earth

Another kids story I wrote to read to my kids before giving birth at home to Mr T :D

Great Big Roaring Mother Earth

Shell is having a baby.
Shell is my mum. Her real name is Michelle but we all just call her Shell, like a shell you find on the beach.

Whenever her tummy tightens she makes big groaning noises like she is the whole Mother Earth rumbling with an earth quake. She says the tightenings are like waves at the beach.

I hold her hand for awhile and she smiles at me so big even though she is hurting.
I love Shell. I love our new baby too even though I haven't even seen him yet. But I've talked to him in Shell's belly and felt his little hands and feet, punching and kicking in there.

Aaron, that's my Dad, looks like he's loving her too. He's touching her face and rubbing her back and giving her kisses.

Now the midwife is telling Shell to breath deep and slow but Shell wants to get up and go into the lounge room by the fire where it's warm.
Aaron and Leah, that's the midwife, help her walk in there and I run in and get a whole bunch of cushions so she can get comfy.

And then Shell says "Our baby is coming to see us."

And the midwife says "I can see the baby's head"
And I can too.

He is so little and so cute.

Leah and Aaron bring the big mattress into the lounge room by the fire.
Me, Shell, Aaron and my new baby brother all hop into bed to cuddle.

Shell is the best Mum in the world.
And when I grow up to be a woman I'm going to be a great, big, roaring, birthing, Mother Earth too.

The Midnight Boy

I dug this story out today at Mr T's insistence. I wrote it two years ago when he was 4 and when I'd read it to him he smile and say it's really about me isn't it mum? It's a gentle parenting bed time story and at the time it was a reminder to me of all the different ways I could deal with a behavior that was stressing me out. Hope you enjoy it.

The Midnight Boy

The Midnight Boy liked to stay up late.
He stayed up later than his baby sister – but that’s because he was heaps older.
The midnight Boy was four.

He stayed up later than his BIG sister. She was nine but she liked to go to bed early.

He even stayed up later than Dad.
Dad had to get up early for work in the mornings so he had to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Mum stayed up late too…with the Midnight Boy.

But one night Mum was cranky. She didn’t get cranky too often but
“Tonight” she said, “I am just so tired!”
She told the Midnight Boy to go to bed.

This made the Midnight Boy cry- he wasn’t sleepy at all.
He wanted to play a game…
and do a puzzle and eat a midnight snack…
and go for a moon walk with Mum because the moon was full.
He wanted to look at the stars and cuddle Mum while everyone else was asleep.

The next night after dinner Mum gave the midnight Boy a bath.
Then she gave him some chamomile tea to help him relax.
Then she sprayed some lavender oil on his wrists.
She turned down the lights and played some soft music.

And the midnight Boy started feeling sleepy.

So they hopped into bed and read some books, and half way through the fifth book the Midnight Boy closed his eyes.

BUT then he sat up…
His eyes sprung open…
“Mum, I feel like doing a drawing.”
Mum sighed.
“We can do a drawing in the morning.” She suggested.
“No, I really feel like doing it now.” explained the Midnight Boy.

So Mum and the Midnight Boy got up.
Mum turned on a lamp in the lounge room.
She got pencils and paper. She gave the Midnight Boy an apple and a glass of milk.
Then Mum said “Good night. You can stay up as long as you want, but I’m going to bed.”

The Midnight Boy started a drawing and drank his milk. But then he started to feel a little bit lonely so he turned off the lamp and crept quietly into bed, careful not to wake anyone.

And he squeezed in between Mum and Dad, next to his baby sister and went to sleep.


Gentle Parenting.
Gentle parenting assumes that children have the same rights as adults. They may not be able to express themselves as well as we, nor control their emotions as well, but they deserve respect as well as love.

All behaviours exhibited by our children have very logical reasons behind them and it’s our job as parents NOT to enforce arbitrary rules but to find out what our children need to make them happy.
So many traditional parenting rules are meaningless when you look at them. Why should every child go to bed at 7:30pm?

When you find yourself acting as the enforcer first ask why?

See you the other side of Christmas

This Christmas I wish for you that all the wrapping paper you receive is old newspaper or recycled kids art-works and that it ends up mulching your gardens.
I hope everyone appreciates the effort you've put into your hand-made gifts.
Hoping your children don't receive any presents made with poisonous plastics or lead paint.
May your in-laws NOT feed the kids too many artificial food additives.
I wish for you that you don't receive too much crap that you will have to keep because you'd feel too guilty to give it straight to good-will.
I hope that none of your friends or relatives argue or get too drunk and obnoxious.
I hope you get as much from giving as receiving.

BUT most of all have FUN and remember to LOVE
It's only one day after all. See you the other side of Christmas.

Why do I parent the way I do?

There are people out there who may think that I practice attachment parenting and home school my children because it is a lifestyle choice or because it is the current hippy fad or because I like to be different. Well for these people I'd like to set the record straight.
I parent the way I do because I happen to believe, through years of research (which is alot more thinking time than some put into their parenting) that it is the best way to treat children. I may not be doing a perfect job but I'm trying hard, damn hard!
I have come to my beliefs through thinking about how I was raised, the effects the school system had on me, through observations of society and through reading tons of literature on the subject.
There are knockers out there who don't even try to understand my perspective, they just shake their heads as if dismissing me as a crazy hippy.
Take for example Co-sleeping ie. sleeping with your children until they want their own beds. Here are some of the stupid comments I have received over the years.
"You're just pandering to the whims of a 'baby'"
"It's all very lovey and hippy but I couldn't do it I wouldn't be comfortable enough"
"You are just spoiling them"
"Aren't you afraid you are going to squash them?"
SERIOUSLY people, wake up and smell the cheese...there is no other mammal on Earth that rejects its infants the day they are born and puts them away from the mother to sleep. There is no other mammal on Earth that does not respond to an infants distress signal (ie. crying). For that matter no other mammal feeds their infants crap instead of breast milk.
We have all the scientists in the world trying to work out why there is so much crime, so little love and compassion and so much loneliness out there and the answer is obvious to me. If you are not treating infants and children how they need to be treated then they are going to grow up into fucked-up adults.
To be totally honest I believe leaving a baby to cry itself to sleep is child abuse.
I do usually try to understand how other people raise their children but I just had enough because they don't respond in kind.
Criticism from people who don't have children, people who raise their kids the way they were raised because "it didn't do me no harm" just doesn't cut it.
If you want to criticise me at least come up with an intelligent, logical argument, AND listen to my side as well.
And I home school because I want my children to love life and learning. The school system as it currently operates is a place to learn conformity, bullying, competition, low self-esteem, humiliation.
I don't believe that everyone should home school. I believe that the education system can't be fixed by a few tweeks here and a few tweeks there. It needs to be re-built from the ground up by some real education and child experts. People who understand that it is about individuals not systems, results, outcomes and school performance.
Just imagine if you dare, a world full of compassionate, kind, caring adults. People who feel free enough to do what they want to do. People who are happy because they are doing what they love. Individuals who feel good about themselves because they had their real fill of love as infants and children and they weren't forced prematurely into institutions that killed off their innate joy.
Imagine that and then tell me that the way I choose to raise my kids is just a choice like what to wear or which movie shall I go see?

There's fun to be had...

I just love it how seemingly everyday events and object for us boring old adults :) are just more opportunities for fun for our children. It always reminds me that so many of our experiences are based on perception. If you expect something to be boring it usually is. But if you are in the now and not basing your actions on past experiences you see things with fresh eyes.

Children are open to the new, they haven't 'learned' their reactions, they act in the moment. I'm blessed to have four wonderful children who are always teaching me new ways of being.

Yesterday we got a new fridge delivered.
Even the arrival of the truck was exciting for Mr T (and slightly scary for Tui!) The refrigerator was unloaded and Mr T exclaimed 'that's the biggest box ever!'

I didn't see much of him all day, he spent most of it inside the box. It became a hide out, a tunnel and then probably a lot of other things in his amazing imaginary world.

Tui loved that box too!

And the trolley used to move the fridge became a new toy.

What to me was a useful tool and an empty box became hours of entertainment and exploration for the kids.

So today I will try to remember to look at the world around me with the eyes of a child and see the potential for joy and fun in everything.

Mum...you really stuffed that up!

Well that is the edited version. The whole comment was;
'Mum, I don't want to hurt your feelings 'cause I know you were just trying to be helpful, but you really stuffed that up!' Mr T (aged 4 1/2)

It made my heart sing!
Why?
Because it means my child can express himself so well.
The whole situation started with him asking me to draw a T on his piece of corn pie with the tomato sauce. Well, I drew a lower case 't' and he wanted a capital 'T'.

This is the sort of thing that inspires me to keep doing what I'm doing.
I'm talking about gentle communication with children and how you reap the rewards every time your child expresses their emotions clearly to you. By taking the time to explain to them how we feel when they do something, instead of yelling or ignoring, we are giving them the tools to be able to express themselves clearly.
What a gift! Isn't the whole of life about communication? About communicating with friends, family, workmates, the world?
We would be all so much free-er if we could express ourselves without feeling inhibited or feeling guilt.
Hopefully this next generation of consciously raised children will not have to deal with wars and strife because they will innately know how to get their messages across without offending. They might be able to accept others ideas without being threatened because they feel so confident in themselves...oh for a perfect world...

I'd like to thank...

I'd like to thank Zan, Rain, Mr T and Tui for everything I know about parenting.

Geewhizz, it's been the journey of my life! And I'm not there yet...

I started off just wanting to do my best for my children.

My evolution as a parent has been challenging, happy, sad, maddening, enlightening (every emotion you can posibly think of).

I think the biggest lesson of all has been to let go- of any expectations I have at all, of any parenting notions I still have.

I am still so far from perfect. But I'm still capable of learning.

Fun and games.

Today we went to the swimming pool. It's my regular day there as a volunteer for three hours. Running the kiosk and being life gaurd. Being a Monday shift though we're lucky to get any customers. It's a small town and most of the towns children are all at school on Monday morning. It was so hot and sunny that we thought surely a few tourists from the local camping ground would call in but nope...just me and the kids all day.
The children love it when no one comes. It's like we own this huge swimming pool, and have it all to ourselves. All the other kids in town are at school (which is just acros the road) You can hear the lunchtime bells from the pool and every week when we are there one of the children comment about the 'structure' of school. How you have to eat at a certain time. How you have to continue sitting even after you've finished eating. How the teachers would tell you to do this and that. How you are not allowed to do this and that.
It makes me feel good that they only experinced that kind of education for six months, and not for their whole young lives. It's been over a year since I started homeschooling again and about six months since we started radical unschooling. Things are going great. I feel at last like I kind of know what's going on!
My kids have had a great big long summer holiday and most of the time I've ben wondering if and when they'd learn anything.
Now I've finally gotten to the point where I can see learning in everything that they do. Whether it's sitting in front of the playstation for a few hours or riding their bikes or jumping on the trampoline.
Monday is our PE day. Today at the pool it was too hot to be out in the Sun for too long so after a quick swim we pulled out some games. Zan and Rain played this gaint game of chess and Mr T and I got out some gaint Ten Pins. Now the game started out sort of like ten pin bowling but after every couple of goes Mr T would change the rules. Soon Rain and Zan joined in with us and when Mr T had his next go he changed the rules again. The older kids started to say that that was wrong but I told them that it was Mr T's game and we should follow his rules. So each turn around Mr T made up a new version of the game. Zan and I ended up dubbing it "Basket, Tenpin, Soccer, Handball...because it seemed to encompass rules from all these games. We all ended up giggling so much. It was so cool to follow the little one's rules and to watch him being 'master' of the game. He was really fair and happy compared to how he is sometimes if the older kids try to engage him in a game that has set rules. I was surprisd at how I felt letting him set the rules. It was the first time in ages that I actually felt really chidlike again. What a eautiful thing to let children do what they want and learn from it!

Warning- this post contains BOOBIES!!!!!

There was an article in this mornings local newspaper about a woman who had been asked to go breast feed her baby in the toilets when she was at the local swimming pool!

Ooooh stuff like this gets me mad. I went to the article link to leave a comment and when I read the comments already posted I got madder!

There were some in support of the breastfeeding woman but so many who would rather breastfeeding was not allowed in public. Many people, even breast feeding mothers themselves suggested it should be done discretely.

I'm one of those who just whips it out whenever and where ever I am. I've been feeding fo so long it's just second nature to me. I fed Zan til he was three and Rain and Mr T til they were four. And now I'm feeding Tui. That's over eleven years of breast feeding over fourteen years! Wow have these titties served their pupose or what!

I can't believe such archaic attitudes are still so wide spread. I feel sad when I see Mums who feel they have to cover their breasts and babies heads when feeding in public.

So here are some of my fav breast feeding shots!

Tui and Tittie

Mr T

Feeding Rain at Emogen Beach

um,.......a male friend trying to feel the breast-feeding vibe....

Growing Up

Today I finally gave Zan the present I have been making for him. It was a couple of days late for his birthday but I've been trying to find the time to finish it and to give it to him privately.
I made him a little leather pouch and we sat together and I put some special things in it for him. Things that symbolized his life so far and as I put each item in I told him what it meant to me. There was a soft blond lock of his baby hair that I have carried around for years. My first babe, such a special moment. There was one of his baby teeth that the tooth fairy had bought years ago too. A couple of crystals and a few other bits and bobs.
It was very special spending those few minutes with him letting him know how much I have cared about him. The whole lot was then tied tightly in the pouch and annointed with a few drops of mothers tears.
I often feel sad for the lack of ceremony in our modern lives and having no religious traditions myself wanted to create something to mark his passage into manhood. I hope in years to come he will remember.

Free Birth

Another free birth happened at Rainbow Love Farm today. It was so free and unassisted and wild that we didn't even realize it had occured until after the event. Lizzy the guinea pig birthed three babes. I only managed to get a photo of one as the others were still shy. It amazes me that they're born fully furred and mobile.
It prompted me to get a photo of the rooster, Rocket Boy. He's been busy procreating too. Two hens are clucky and sitting on seventeen eggs at the moment. I think it's only about four days till they're ready according to Rain's Chook chart. Another free birthing or I should say free hatching to look forward to.


And all that's got me thinking about my own free birth of little Tui four months ago. I'm going to write about her birth soon so stay tuned.
She is four months old today. Wow time has flown. She's grown from a little helpless babe into a big smiling babe. She's starting to get that nice chubby look they get before they mobilize. And she smiles and laughs all day. (when she's awake that is.) Yesterday, a mother asked me how often she sleeps during the day. And I must have appeared really daft because at first my face went totally blank. I have no idea. Even though she is in the sling all day still, so in body contact and I am aware of when she is asleep and when she wakes I have no idea how many sleeps she has. Like beast feeding; it's an all day event! She sleeps and feeds as she needs to and it was good to realise that I can now parent in the way I want without even mentally registering the normal parenting mores. Like how is the baby sleeping, eating, putting on weight etc. It felt very freeing.

Look ma , no hands...

Being a mum to four I'm constantly hearing refrains of "Look at me, look at me!", watch this!", "Look at my new trick!" and while I love them all so much sometimes I don't know how to respond. I don't want them to rely on my approval to feel good about themselves. So I do watch and try not to say good boy or good girl. Rather I try to say something along the lines of I've never seen you do that before or Is that a new trick, or do you feel proud of yourself?
There is a great article on Joyous Birth about why not to sat good girl and good boy. I'm still trying to wean myself off the habit because it's just something that you hear so often that you find yourself saying it without thinking.
My gist of the whole thing is that when you praise kids you are conditioning their behaviour to respond to your expectations. They grow up seeking approaval as adults. If we give children the attention that they really need-in the form of co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, baby-wearing as well as listening to them as real people and meeting their emotional needs as well as their physical needs- then they won't need to seek this false attention by asking our approval all the time.
Learning some thing new or reaching a normal developemental milestone should be treated as normal, rather than recieving hand-clapping and cheering. When a child does something thoughtful or nice all they need is a simple 'thankyou'.
As an adult I sometimes still feel the need to seek the approval of others to feel good ar acceptable. I never really learned to value myself.
A couple of years ago my sister wrote a song about still looking for your parents approval as an adult called 'Look ma no hands' and it really says it all.